


Daisies: I'll Never Tell

by Blazesurrender, KanraKixystix



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey, Finn Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Hanahaki Disease, Hanahaki is native to Yavin IV, Let the Trio be Happy, M/M, Mild gore because of Hanahaki, Multi, Mutual Pining, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Zorii and Poe are just friends in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:13:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22344796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazesurrender/pseuds/Blazesurrender, https://archiveofourown.org/users/KanraKixystix/pseuds/KanraKixystix
Summary: It took years after her death, but Poe eventually forgot his mother’s stories. He forgot the hidden warnings she’d laid in them, to never mislead someone if he loves them, lest his love bloom and steal him away to the stars. He’d made it a habit to be honest about his feelings, and no harm ever came to him, and so the memories of her stories faded. If only he still remembered her stories when he met Finn.
Relationships: Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron & Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey, Zorii Bliss & Poe Dameron
Comments: 4
Kudos: 96





	Daisies: I'll Never Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea stuck in my head and couldn't get it to leave me alone until I got something written out for it.

He felt himself falling in love the moment he saw the terrified _human_ eyes revealed by the removed Storm Trooper helmet. He lost hope in ever exploring the potential of that love when he regained consciousness after having been thrown from the TIE to the mercy of the sands of Jakuu. The ache in his heart could only be suppressed by flying, so flying is what he did. Defeating the First Order in the battle sent him buzzing, and the ache in his heart resolved slightly as he began to forgive himself for losing Finn, the Storm Trooper defector. Beating the First Order had been the only way to possibly make it up to Finn and his wide, frightened, eyes. Until he clambered out of Black One to hear an achingly familiar binary whistle screaming toward him. Reuniting with BB-8 filled him with joy, but the little droid had been beeping too quickly for him to keep up, until he deciphered the word ‘Finn!’ 

“Finn’s here?” Hope flared bright and hot and beautiful in his chest as BB-8's orange head turned to indicate- “Finn-” it had come in a gasp, and in the resulting collision their arms dragged each other close, _‘never close enough’_ whispered Poe’s subconscious. The tide of warmth and joy and relief and _‘not dead, not dead, not dead’_ , as they’d tripped over each other’s exclamations and- “That’s my jacket!” Poe interrupts himself, more startled than anything and regretting speaking up when Finn immediately begins to shrug out of it, apology already on his lips, “No! No- Keep it. It suits you.” Poe subconsciously worries his lower lip, “You’re a good man, Finn.” _‘Stars, I’m so gone.’_

Then the war had _really_ picked up, and Finn had been unconscious and when he awoke the first words out of his mouth, “Where’s Rey?” twisted deep in Poe’s chest. He should have known then what fate had planned for him. Battles were fought, won, and lost, and the war kept going. The cough had only manifested after weeks of observing Finn’s interactions with Rey. Over the next several months, Poe sinks deeper and deeper, unable to stop himself from falling more in love with Finn, even as he watches Finn grow more enamored of Rey.

Poe faintly remembers overhearing stories as a teenager that the only way to recover from such a persistent cough involves resolving feelings of unrequited love. The girls at the Academy on Yavin IV had found the whole idea rather romantic, he recalls bitterly. Whispers in the corridors whenever anyone had a cold resulted in frequent embarrassment of a confession of feelings, only for the cough to still take the standard week or so before recovery. He shakes his head to clear it of these unproductive thoughts. He just has a cough. A cough that seems to never be truly gone.

Finn catches on that something is wrong, but can’t figure out what it is that Poe isn’t telling him. Between the chaos of battles and feverish planning, he catches the Pilot having bouts of bone-chillingly violent wheezing fits, struggling to breathe. Poe always dismisses his concerns with a weary smirk, “Just a cold,” the Pilot says with a false grin, “I’ll recover; don’t worry buddy.” Poe figures the longer the war drags on, the longer he can pretend things between them are different and fight the progression of the disease to buy himself more time to spend with Finn. The thought fills him with something bittersweet. He wants to know Finn as well as he possibly can. He also knows that he’s too selfish to deny himself time with the man who’s slowly, unintentionally killing him.

* * *

Blood, and pain, and then something deceivingly soft flutters up his throat. Disbelief. This isn’t happening. This _can’t_ be happening. They’ve only just begun recuperating from their victory at Exegol; this _shouldn’t_ be happening, not now. But it is. The realization shocks the breath from his lungs as he tries to process the bloodstained and bright and very damningly real daisy petals in his hand. Trembling, he crushes them in his fist before wrapping them tightly in too many layers of tissue and disposing of them. Shame courses icy and boiling through his veins. The hesitant, subdued, curious chirp BB-8 emits at him has him sighing, "No, buddy. I don't think I'm gonna be all right this time." At the little droid's insistent nudge [Ask Finn?], Poe grimace, " _No_ , buddy, I can't ask Finn to help me this time." The sharp trill has him bolting to his feet and drops his voice to a frantic whisper, " _NO!_ Don't you _dare_ tell Rey!"

[Stupid Friend-Poe should accept help] Poe groans into his hands, swallowing back the cough. [Stupid.]

Hiding his increasingly severe condition from Finn had been difficult before, but without the war to distract him, his thoughts turn to what Finn would rather be doing with Rey. Such thoughts cause the roots in his chest to squeeze the breath from his lungs until he’s gagging on fresh blood and healthy daisies. He begins choking out excuses to avoid them. The ordeal is made more unbearable, because Finn finally stops trying to seek him out, _‘Probably to spend time with someone he actually likes.’_ Poe’s mind offers sardonically, as he curls miserably into himself, while his burning throat spills grisly flowers around him. Even BB-8 had begun spending more time with Rey and the only assurance that Poe had that the chatty droid _wouldn't_ tell Rey, was his threat to completely wipe BB-8's memory.

Instead of joining the ongoing celebration, Poe devotes all of his spare energy to researching the disease of coughing up flowers. After thirty seven hours without sleep he finally discovers a name. Panic and fast-fading hope lead Poe to spend the next long hours scouring the holo-net to find any shred of a chance that he’d recover without including Finn. An obscure little hospital on Yavin IV finally yields something; a surgery. Gloom settles around him as he skims the risks of the procedure, too exhausted to really comprehend any of the descriptions. His decision made; he sends the clinic a holo-call. An icy chill follows the realization that he’ll have to inform the Senior Officers that he’s leaving. He’ll have to tell Finn. ‘ _Kriff’_.

* * *

The raucous noise of post-victory festivities has finally melted into hungover happiness in the open space that had functioned as their cafeteria. In a sleep-deprived haze, Poe scans the faces that seem most alert. Familiar whirring chirps bring his attention to the edge of the clearing. Rey follows BB-8 up to the rations bins, Finn meandering right beside her. Finn looks up from their hushed conversation and his sleepy half smile freezes and starts slipping when Poe unintentionally meets his eyes. Steadily, Finn holds his attention, opening his mouth as if to call across the clearing to him.

Heart and lungs both squeeze the air from his lungs, insistently pressing daisies up and trying to force them out between his lips, ‘ _I can’t do this!’_ he panics to himself. It’s not a conscious decision when he turns and flees, leaving a thin trail of petals behind him. The pounding of his feet on the soft jungle floor doesn’t stop until he’s certain he’s not being followed. Night falls before Poe makes his way back to the tarmac. He composes a brief letter to all the senior officers, explaining his impromptu disappearance, but not offering details. He doesn’t let Finn know when he leaves.

* * *

Being on Yavin IV is surreal after the constant chaos of the war. He visits his father, whose overwhelming joy at seeing his son again is immediately tempered by the now-constant stain in Poe’s lips. Kes opens his arms with no words and embraces his son through both of their tears. Slowly, the full body shudders subside into soft hiccups, and Kes’s voice is thick with emotion and certainty, “If you’ve come home to get them removed- don’t.” In response to Poe’s startled confusion, Kes explains, “Having the removal done, it isn’t worth the loss of the ability to love.”

He must have a look of abject horror on his face, because his father’s next words are, “You _did_ read through the listed common side effects, right?”

A silent shake of his head has Kes quietly stewing, “I’ve heard enough about Finn from you that even if he hadn’t called me himself to ask me how to catch and hold your attention, I’d tell you to fly your ass right back to base and enjoy a little bit of _love_. There’s precious little left in the galaxy, and that co-General of yours feels an awful lot of it for you.” 

A soft, wounded sound leaves Poe’s lips, accompanied by a full daisy blossom. “Oh Poe,” Kes wraps his son in a tight hug. “He loves you so much- you _have_ to tell him.” Father and son cling to each other, both wondering what Poe’s mother would want. Even as he watches his son take off into the night sky Kes murmurs softly to the stars, “Oh Shara, I hope I haven’t just signed our Little Rebel’s death sentence.”

* * *

Poe flies back to base without having met with the clinic. He works harder to bite back the flowers when he’s not alone. He's all but evicted BB-8 from his quarters, and the little droid had put up more of a fuss when Poe had first arrived back on base, electing to ignore him after a reprimand [Should have taken me with you]. Being as much as in the same room as Finn or Rey is too much though; there is no stopping the ragged bleeding coughs from spattering daisy petals down his chest around either of them. Most of the Resistance’s allies trickle back to their various corners of the galaxy, while the thin core of the Rebellion maintains open, transparent contact and offers advice in the absence of imminent threats of destruction.

Zorri is one of the last to leave, she stays with Poe through one of his coughing fits, silently counting the flowers as they fall from his lips. “You need to tell him Poe. Soon. Before we all lose you.” She hugs him tight enough that it competes with the roots in his lungs, and it almost helps him breathe easier for a moment. Her voice is soft in his ear, “Tell him Poe. Or I’ll tell that cute Lady Jedi to give you a visit with no further explanation.”

Poe can’t even muster up a protest, he just hugs Zorri with the firm resignation of someone saying a last goodbye.

* * *

It wouldn’t be honest of Poe to say that he was surprised that Rey catches him coughing up daisies into the 'fresher sink. He _is_ surprised that BB-8 joined her. She blurts out, "I thought it was a myth." BB-8 unleashes a stream of binary that even Poe has trouble keeping up with. Bittersweet sorrow coils around his lungs and squeezes another hacking cough out. Poe gives a broken little laugh and wipes the blood from his mouth, staring bitterly at the blood-bright flowers in the sink. He can't meet her eyes when he responds, "So did I."

Rey immediately switches gears, pulling him into a hug and asking, "Who is it?" 

Finn's love for Poe was no secret, and Rey had assumed (as had the most of the base) that Poe was interested in Finn until he'd started ignoring both of them and hiding away. For Poe to be coughing up flowers, he must love someone else.

Rey recalls the woman they'd met on Kajiimi and how Poe had half-grinned at his former spice-running companion and subsequently been rebuffed, "Is it Zorii?"

He barks out a laugh of surprise which devolved into hacking up a few more daisy petals, "No- no," he gasps for breath, "That was..." , ' _No wonder Finn's not interested, you utter asshole_ ,' he thinks to himself. Aloud he continues, "that was just me being an idiot."

Rey squints at him dubiously, before her eyes widen and she asks anxiously, "It's not _me_ is it?" And the hilarious irony of _that_ statement throws Poe into another laughing coughing fit, resulting in another grim trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth, even as he swallows the flowers back down. Once he's collected himself again, he answers, "No, don't worry. I care about you, the same way I care about Finn." The lie leaves a bitter aftertaste in his mouth, and the long-familiar pain coils tight in his chest in response, squeezing precious air from his lungs.

Apparently, Rey doesn't buy it either. She gets an odd look on her face and says, "Surely even _you_ aren't dumb enough to think that Finn would reject you?"

He says nothing, just looks away and stares back at the sink. There's a brief moment of silence before Rey steps forward to tell him what I complete idiot he is and Poe just pushes her away as he has another fit.

Rey tries to comfort him, but his knuckles grip the sink so tightly that she thinks he might actually break it, and several blossoms tear from his throat. 

"You have to tell him," Rey insists, much more serious now as she grimly cleans the fresh blood from his chin. "Today. If you don't-"

"I'll die," Poe finishes for her. "And he gets to live without the guilt of having to reject me and _personally_ sign my death.” He grimaces at her. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, really, but I think I'd rather be alone right now." This lie he _knows_ is too obvious, he doesn’t want to die alone on a bed of bloodspattered daisies, and he's getting light headed from lack of oxygen. He sways, despite his grip on the sink, and his eyes glaze over. He gingerly turns himself around so he can face her, still white-knuckling the sink behind him. Despite his pain-glazed expression he manages to press on earnestly, "Rey, you _can't_ tell him. Please. He's too-” he coughs, miserably, and more bloodied flowers spill down his chest, “he’s too kind for this galaxy, he'll blame himself. Please don't put this on him." He can hear the way his words are slurring. He can't focus his eyes on her. His own thoughts are making less and less sense.

"Is this why you've been avoiding him recently?" It's supposed to be a question, but it comes out almost like an accusation. Rey's voice vibrates with anxious incredulity when she continues, "Here I came barging into your quarters to blame you for breaking his heart..." She sighs, then steps forward into his space, ignoring the blood sticky flower petals clinging to the front of his shirt and she pulls him into a tight hug. 

Poe's ears ring with her words. His voice is hollow, hoarse from the flowers "I broke his heart?" He tentatively brings his arms up to hug the fledgling Jedi in return, even though he still doesn't understand why she's comforting him. After all, she and Finn… oh but she’s talking again, her voice level and soft when she continues, "Poe," she pauses, thinking, "Poe- he thought you'd found out how he felt and were disgusted by him."

Poe flinches at her words then, unable to comprehend them, only hearing the gentleness with which she speaks them. "Rey-" he trembles from the chill climbing deep in his chest, ‘ _Well that’s not good,_ ’ he thinks deliriously, only barely staving off another coughing fit, "Rey I didn't want either of you to find me like this." Despair fills him, coiling around his heart like the roots squeezing his lungs. 

In a moment of sudden clarity he adds, "Rey please don't blame yourself either. Please. I want you two to be happy." His voice breaks, and the tears finally slip freely down his cheeks.

She pulls back slightly then, cradling his face with her hands, searching his face. "Poe," her thumbs gently swipe the tears from his cheeks, "Poe there's no galaxy where Finn could be happy without you."

Poe lets out a broken, hysterical laugh. "Finn has you, you're _everything_ to him." His gaze sharpens and he gathers his strength to force himself to focus on her, "You're just... you're incredible, Rey. You're smart, and brave, and powerful, and kind-" another chest rattling cough shakes his frame, '- _so kind._ ' he thinks bitterly, "It's no wonder he's in love with you." _‘It’s no wonder I can’t compete with you.’_

Her voice is sharp, "He's in love with you too, you oblivious idiot!" It comes out all in one breath, loud and angry and _raw_ , and Poe, for the first time since she'd burst in, sees the fear in her eyes. Fear for him, and fear for- his heart stutters weakly in his chest- fear for Finn.

"Poe, if he loses you, it'll kill him. Not the way you're killing yourself, but losing you now, like this- it would be a fate worse than death for him. Poe please-" he flinches at the sob that cuts her off. He tentatively tightens his arms around her, and disbelievingly asks, "He loves us both?"

" _Yes_ , you moronic, bird-brained, son of a bantha!" She swallows a sob; Poe swallows another blossom. He chokes briefly, coughing it back up. He manages to meet her eyes.

She can see the fear there, but now there's also hope; it’s new and fragile and sparkling in his eyes. "Poe, please tell him. He's in my quarters right now. He hasn't been eating or sleeping well since you started avoiding us."

He nods slowly, throat torn too raw to speak. Rey takes one of his hands and starts leading him down the corridor, BB-8 rolling along with them, still surprisingly quiet. Another coughing fit has him collapsing against the wall, a trio of daisies falling from his lips, ' _I'll never tell_ ’, Poe remembers from when he'd been studying the symbolism, earlier on. When he first realized he had contracted the disease, and reaffirmed to himself when he'd decided to let it take him, since he refused to have his love removed. Living without loving Finn would not be living at all. Rey tightens her grip on his hand and pulls him faster toward her quarters. They both know that Poe likely has scant hours now that he's coughed up so many full blooms.

Finn looks up from where he's curled miserably around one of Rey's pillows, mouth opening to greet her, then snapping shut when she tugs Poe into her room as well. Poe freezes where he stands, hope withering inside of him the way he wishes the daisies would, now that he's facing the only one who can save him. He scans Finn’s face, desperate and utterly lost. ' _Stars, I love him so much_ ,' his lungs burn and spasm in his chest for lack of oxygen. His eyes glaze over again; he distantly hears Rey shouting and the next thing he knows, Finns arms are around him, holding him, pulling him close. Rey’s grip on his hand doesn’t waver even as Finn’s arms tighten around him.

The voice haunting his dreams ever since their escape from the Finalizer so many years ago is suddenly all around him. It’s whispering soft words into his jaw, his neck, his temple. Poe would swear this must be a dream if he weren’t also feeling the kisses being fluttered wherever the words are buzzing into his skin. Finn sounds like he’s everywhere at once, and with each soft declaration the flowers within him further retract their roots. Rey’s gentle, firm grip on his trembling hand feels as if it’s the only thing keeping him from floating away on Finn’s voice.

Finn pulls back just slightly, and tears are streaming down his face, "Kriff-" he lets out a long, shaky breath, "Poe I had no idea-" Rey lets out an exasperated groan, which Finn silences with a glare. "Poe I thought I'd done something to make you angry; I had no idea this was something that could happen to you, to- to anyone." Finn presses close, Rey shifting to make room, so that Finn is effectively pinning Poe against the wall. He murmurs into the side of Poe's throat and inhales shakily, "I can't do this without you." He continues, swallowing a whimper, "You're the center of my galaxy, Poe. Without you, everything is cold."

A soft, hoarse chuckle, “But Rey?”

Finn pulls Rey close to him as well. “Rey keeps my world spinning, but it was you who first showed me warmth. I _need_ you, Poe. Both of you.” Poe collapses into their arms, his chest feeling lighter than it has in over a year.


End file.
